Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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