Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
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