I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
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