I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
