so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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