I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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