worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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