Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize