Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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