I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
