Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
