You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
