I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
