Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
