Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Randomize
