Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Randomize
