Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
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