The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
