I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
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