batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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