I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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