Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Randomize
