The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize