It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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