i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
