Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize