3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Randomize
