im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
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