I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
