Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
