If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
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