Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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