I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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