the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
He told me they were just razor bumps!
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize