Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
don't judge my taste in strippers
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
I think we might need a safe word for this...
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
