I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
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