Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
