Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
