She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Randomize
