Quick, to the slutcave!
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Randomize
