i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
