I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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