I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
