girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
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