I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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