My nipple is on Facebook.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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