Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
