i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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