Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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