dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
You dont lie about slip and slides
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Randomize
