At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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