You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize