he wants to bone in the snuggie
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Sorry my hands just texted you
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
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