I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
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