he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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