just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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