Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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