yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Randomize
