GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
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