how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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