After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize