I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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