My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize