I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
