maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Randomize
