me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
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