idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Randomize
