If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
