i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
