Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize